Dearest Ratties,

In nine days, on the 17th of May, the first ever Anatomy of a Song shall be held inside Striped Stocking Studio—a new live series in the Asylum Inner Circle in which I take a song the Inmates have chosen and surgically open it up, dissect the music and lyrics, and answer anything you ever wanted to know about it.

Emilie Autumn recording in Striped Stocking Studio.

Weeks ago, I posted the question: Which song shall we dissect first?

Many titles went into the teapot, and a vote was held. The song the Inmates chose could not have surprised me more.

"What If"

I can explain neither to you nor to myself why the idea of speaking openly about this very, very old song gives me proverbial butterflies. Perhaps because it is one of the first songs I ever wrote, as an isolated young teen; perhaps because it is the reason I began to sing at all; or perhaps because I am simply mystified—I had no idea how many of you knew this song, let alone how much it mattered to you, and so I have no idea what I am going to be asked to talk about. I feel oddly, unexpectedly naked, suspecting that my answers will be less answers and more a series of confessions.

Dear friend, tell me you have not also lived this: what you thought people wanted from you was not at all what they wanted—and the thing they did want has been sleeping inside a self you thought you had safely (if sadly) buried. And did you too say to yourself, "This will cost me something"?

The gates of the Inner Circle close tonight, and will not reopen until the 1st of June. For those who have not already claimed their cells and would like to be in the candlelit studio on the 17th—to listen to the song together, to speak to me about it live, to sit amongst the Inmates that night—this is the last evening to enter before then: Join us. A waitlist will open tomorrow for those who miss the hour.

For now, it seems I have a song to relearn...