The Power of Not Performing
In these short weekly notes, you’ll find three things: (1) something I’ve learned about being wild AND well, (2) words from extraordinary minds who struggled with mental health too, and (3) one small experiment for you to try.
Let’s begin
The Well
While performing at the Opera House in Toronto, during one of our most dramatic, high-octane numbers, the fire alarm went off.
Music cut. Total blackout. Blaring noise.
I found myself calmly kneeling at the edge of the stage with my arms out wide.
My immediate instinct had been to contain the audience in my arms, to keep them still so they wouldn’t panic and flood the fire exits—a tragedy that had recently occurred with another band.
From my vantage point, even in the darkness, I could see the exits they couldn’t—I could direct them calmly to those doors if I received a signal from backstage, and I was going to kneel right there until every last person was outside, showing them that if I didn't run, they didn't need to either.
And, amazingly, no one panicked. No one ran. We all waited in the almost ceremonial silence of pure, unified presence.
Then the alarm stopped. But the lights were still off.
And I found that I didn’t want to move.
This moment of not performing—being silent, still kneeling with my arms open in the dark—was more electrifying to me than the performance that had just been interrupted.
Because the me that isn’t performing is actually so much more powerful than the one that is.
The Wild
“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.” — Virginia Woolf
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” — Kurt Cobain
“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.” — Anne Sexton
The Way
This week, give yourself a moment in the dark. Sit somewhere quiet—no lights, no audience—and ask yourself:
Who am I when I’m not trying?
Listen for the version of you who rises when the performance falls away.
She’s the one who can see in the dark.
And if you find it difficult to make this time for yourself, do it for Anne.
Do it for Virginia.
Do it for Kurt.
